


Willing

by i_am_zan



Series: 49 Days [40]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen, How Do I Tag, Introspection, What Was I Thinking?, mentions of everyone else - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 20:30:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8027935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_zan/pseuds/i_am_zan
Summary: Bookman Junior just thinking again. It is in the job description somewhere.





	Willing

**Author's Note:**

> Usual disclaimers apply. Not for profit, for fun (and now I can admit ... personal torture!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Please kill me.” Sometimes, just sometimes, Lavi wants to smack Allen for being the self sacrificing idiot and brat that he is. Saying such things so easily. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bookman sends him in to observe what transpires between Cross Marian and Allen Walker the night they arrive at the new headquarters. Lavi notes that one of Central’s Special Crows is Howard Link. The height, the telltale bump of his braid underneath the cloak, that clipped walk and stance of his. He knows Allen’s shadow. Howard might have been monitoring Allen, but Lavi has been watching too. Although Lavi guesses correctly that Link knows he knows. There is no pussyfooting around each other. The Bookmen see Crows’ interference as something sinister and Junior does not feel the need for pretense. 

So Lavi hears all about Mana Walker, more about the 14th and the attempt on the Earl’s life. Cross’s promise to the 14th to watch over Mana. When Cross blatantly calls Allen the 14th. The shock reverberates through Bookman Junior like thunder under his feet, feeling it in every fibre of his being, eye widening with the shock of it. 

Cross is no better than Allen. Recounting so easily, as if it were nothing, a life on the run from the Earl and the rest of the Noah. Lavi can only guess at a life trying to dodge the likes of Road Kamelot and Tyki Mikk. He would not have survived at all. Then saying that Allen was simply ‘unlucky’. That the 14th did not have a choice at the time and picked whoever was handy at the time. 

“When Mana said he loved me, did he mean me …” Allen’s voice trails brokenly into a soft whisper, “... or …?” 

Lavi wonders if Link, or any of the other Crows observe Cross giving Timcanpy something under the guise of flicking ash into the golem’s mouth. 

“What if I told you, you’ll have to kill someone you love, when you become the 14th?”

Bookman Junior wonders, as Allen must, if that means someone he loves as the 14th or someone he loves as Allen Walker the exorcist? And of course those cryptic words play endlessly in Lavi’s mind. _There’s another side to this war. Don’t die before it’s over._ Just before Lavi and Cross Marian part ways, they exchange a look. What Cross Marian means by it, Lavi is clueless. 

If Lavi thinks at all who has the hardest battle to fight it must be Komui. The Supervisor of the European branch may have originally joined to protect his sister, but he sees his job now is to protect all those on the frontline. All the exorcists and finders. All those failed experiments that he feels responsible for. He came when he was powerless to stop them, it must have taken a toll on Komui to bide his time as he climbed the rungs of seniority, to eventually reach a position to say “ENOUGH!” . _These will no longer take place on my watch_. How precarious that place is balancing what the higher ups want and how best to utilise the soldiers he has on hand, so their efforts do not go to waste, so that they are not given up as pawns, casualties to fall in the course of war. He cannot find a way to protect Allen Walker, his hands being proverbially tied.

What also plays endlessly in his head is how his master orders him to put it out of his mind and not think about it again. He is finding that, THAT is easier to say than do. Because it plays endlessly in his mind. 

Ten days later when Link plays graveyard chess with Miranda, Allen and Yuu for bodyguards. Lavi and Bookman have much to do. Cross Marian is missing. The rumour put forward is that Marian is at large on Central’s whim. Bookman Junior quizzes his master about the affair as it stands, but no satisfactory answer is forthcoming, and life goes on. 

Yuu, Marie and Allen are sent off to Paris. There are changes afoot at the Order, and Junior is keeping the logs and journals up to date. The team comes back with Timothy Hearst, a few new finders, and the Order expands with the addition of the Thirds. Training continues and Yuu is pensive. Everybody throws themselves into training as there are reports of Akuma everywhere and more sightings of Noah. As Bookman, Lavi might even go so far as to say they were being lured, teased. He is sure that his teacher thinks the same. And for some unknown reason he feels that these might be his loneliest days at the Order. 

Allen is distant - is it to do with memories of the 14th awakening inside of him or the increased awareness of losing himself? Add to that the redhead is never sure how to approach Allen anyways with Two Spot shadowing him all the while. Yuu is distant - and Lavi is sure of occurrences in Paris that the swordsman is keeping to himself that is not in the reports. Bookman, these days makes sure as apprentice that Lavi is up to date and reads all the reports anyone hands in to Komui. 

Everyone is on tenterhooks with the increased presence of Crows at headquarters, the usage of passwords at ark gates and precisely because of these ark gates, there are more comings-and-goings between the branches of the Order. Specifically there are more clashes between the heads as to how things should be run. There is more politicking. Komui Lee and Bak Chang seems to be the only voices of reason, against more experimentation, whilst the rest of the Order is of the view that ‘we will use what weapons we have on hand and damn the consequences’. 

Lavi feels for poor Miranda who the Black Order discovers to be something of a godsend on missions. With control of time at her fingertips, she can stave off wounds from becoming a hindrance and throw up shields against attacks. Klaud Nine gets tutelage of Timothy Hearst - much to Tiedoll’s chagrin. It is only fair since he already has Chaoji. Sokalo Winters is happy to accept Krory, and they do make a terrifying looking pair in spite of the discrepancy in experience between them. Lenalee will go where her brother sends her. No team goes without a General. After the loss of Marian, even if no one at Central will admit to a loss, and Komui keeping mum about it as well. The Bookmen, Marie and Yuu, and Allen are sent wherever it is deemed they are needed more. Lavi notices that Yuu is the one most often sent out with Allen, perhaps - he thinks wryly - because of all the others the Order sees Kanda Yuu as being the most capable of dispatching Allen Walker without hesitation. Should the need arise. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There lies the crux of it. Willing to die and willing to kill. Who is the bigger idiot Bookman Junior wonders? He wonders it a lot, especially with doomsday looming near. What of himself, when it is all over and done with? Will he be willing to forego all the ties, the friendships - will he be willing to just pack up and go? To wander in perpetuity and adopt a new persona? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> This is for posting date 8 Sept. If it was your birthday then, Happy Belated Birthday! ^_^
> 
> I meant to put this in one of the earlier pieces but forgot. The manga chronology differs slightly to DGray Hallow chronology. Here I am using the manga as source material. In the manga the graveyard chess scene takes place 10 days after Allen meets Cross in the new headquarters. A couple of other things to note on the boat ride to headquarters it is Lenalee and Johnny that talk to Allen about his 'less polite' speech, and it is Komui and Link on the boat with him. When Bookman comes through the ark gates on Bookman Business, Lavi comes with him ... the rest of the exorcists (including Kanda, Krory, & Co presumably come after as they are not due to arrive till the next day.) - That's it I think. 
> 
> ... As ever thank you everyone who is dropping by to read. Much love - Zan


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